Let Go
wisdom and courage in the form of feelings: grief, anger, creativity, and love
Hello my friend,
I just finished eating a bunch of Tostito corn chips doused in spicy salsa after creating a daily intention using Insight Timer: Today I will… eat food that energizes me. Hah! Within 30 minutes of writing that intention, I smirked at it while rapidly devouring de-energizing chips covered with medium spiced restaurant style salsa. Nice.
To calm my scrambling mind of thoughts, oh so many thoughts, I resorted to “comfort food” to feed my empty belly, as thoughts remained in motion. My tongue still tingles with the taste of salty spicy salsa. The satisfying crunch between my teeth temporarily silenced the ticker tape scrolling through my head.
For the 1,245,378,973th time I am reminded that food consumption is not healthy or helpful when experiencing emotions.
Grieving
My sister sat at the hospice bedside of her beloved spouse of over forty years, her college romance that flourished to marriage, careers, children, and grandchildren. After a week, he passed away peacefully.
Two family members, a cousin and uncle, recently died within weeks of each other.
A client called asking questions for her young adult son hospitalized in the ICU suffering from a stroke.
A friend just sent an email with a go fund me link, a project for her niece’s children whose father committed suicide leaving them desperate for basic needs.
Grief, I’m discovering, has layers, many layers, and many losses.
Grief is not simple.
You might be grieving too. I’m sorry.
In preparation to attend the 2nd of three memorial services this month, I began to pack by looking at my dark colored clothing in my closet trying to mix and match unmixable tops, bottoms, dresses and shawls. It was a mess. I was a mess.
I panicked.
I needed appropriate attire that would not embarrass my sister. That statement sounds absurd. I know. But it’s the least I can do for her and the grief moving through me, and my imagined grief moving through her. I don’t believe my attire, or maybe even my presence, will matter. Our relationship is complex and complicated.
Years ago it did matter to my sister that I wore the right clothes, coiffed my hair well, took proper care of my face - not too much make-up and certainly not bare skinned. Speak just enough wise words, use humor if possible, and be polite, don’t stand out and most of all, whatever I do, don’t embarrass her.
She inherited the don’t embarrass me “trait” perfectly from our mother.
Yesterday, shopping for this “proper” funeral attire, I felt my mother and my stylish daughter with me, genuinely encouraging me, and affirming my chosen dress was “perfect”.
The kind attendant sourcing me different sizes of clothing options, repeated, “Are you comfortable? It’s important that you feel comfortable”.
Am I comfortable? Are you f*ucking kidding me? No. I’m not comfortable, and I choose to give my attention to beauty, kindness, laughter, and Tostito chips.
Comfort is about feeling okay.
Money is often used for comfort, to feel okay, to quelch fears, to feel confident and to be valued.
Comfort (safety, confidence, connection) increases when we honor our two files:
what can I control?
what do I not control?
This simple process is called sorting the two files from the work of Gay and Katie Hendricks. The list of what I control is short. The list of what I don’t control is also short in one sentence: it’s everything beyond what I control, which is mostly everything.
I can control what I wear to the memorial service that will enhance my comfort.
I can control how I react to my experiences.
I can control my choices.
I can control how I choose to spend, save, and gift money.
I can’t control my experience, my feelings, other people’s feelings, reactions, and everything else that is happening in the world and beyond.
Seething
I am. Who isn’t?
Creating
In controlling my choices, I choose to create. Ikebana, crafts, bird-feeding, painting, writing, making something-anything-are my chosen creative expressions that generate resourcefulness and energy.
Experiment, discover and engage the creative expressions that bring you joy, energy, surprises and well-being. Create just because, because you matter.
Your joy, well-being and vitality are a gift to you, and everyone else.
Joy, vitality and well-being are priceless-well beyond what money buys.
My recent ikebana play with woven leaves makes me happy. I’m calling it basketweave. I don’t know the official name. The palms growing in the backyard capture my attention, often. The palms are prolific. I separated the leaves on the right side of the palm frond into strips and wove them on the left side of the original part of the palm frond.
In the creation time expands.
Beauty expands.
Joy expands.
Love expands.
Playing with paint in a recent class with Susie deVille (the Buoyant Art Studio) I created the above mess or masterpiece. Again, the experience expanded time, beauty, joy and love.
We journaled our answers to the following questions after our nature excursion.
What lessons from nature help us tolerate times of chaos and uncertainty and allow us to leverage for rebirth and growth?
Nature is utterly real, alive and present.
In order for us to rebirth and grow, we must be present to what is.
The statement of being present to what is has become ubiquitous - so much so we forget it.
And yet, that’s all there is in this moment,
always, is now.
Open. Open further.
Allow life to touch you.
Feel, receive, receive, feel.
Attuning to chaos and uncertainty- taps the elements,
wind, water, air, fire and earth.
What season are we in?
We stay present to know what season we are in,
winter, spring, summer, fall.
Without the contrast we would be bored.
Journaling
Wednesday, February 19, 2025
This might be the day, the perfect day I become realized, or laugh so hard and long my lungs win the workout award for strength and longevity.
This might be the day I release “it all” and let go. I let go of doing and allow being to lead the way as I sit staring at the flames of my fake fire, with no effort to make it real by tending the wood and burning embers.
This might be the day I write the sentence that never goes away and filles the souls of beings bringing peace and harmony.
This might be the day love resides permanently in my heart pumping unceasingly through my veins and releasing an invisible mist through my pores whispering Love is all there is.
This might be the day we put weapons down, cease fires meant to cease, breath lengthens into an extended relief wrapping blanket and a cup of earl grey tea spiced with it’s going to be okay.
This might be the day new inventions come online and free for all beings as the creator knows we are all in this together and together we will either perish or soar.
Loving and Letting Go
I’m loving and letting go, which is to say I am breathing, feeling my feelings and noticing my experiences inside me and all around me without trying to “fix it” or “do something” or “shove my head in the ground” (slightly different from shoving chips in my mouth).
However you are, wherever you are, I wish you peace in disruptions, strength in grief and courage to take action-which might just look like painting a picture or writing a story or walking in nature.
With love, taking action and letting go,
Choose 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 Tostito 👏🏻 chips 👏🏻
What an unexpected delivery mechanism for a profound message!
Beautiful words as always Gayle. Looping love and ease with you 💕✨
My heart is broken by the unexpected loss of my BFF Judth. It helps to hear that I am not alone in grief. It’s part of the human experience😢